hold on to your hats, ladies. the following two tales demonstrate just how ridiculous i am.
proceed with caution.
1) once upon a time, there was a girl who drank a lot of water. yes, she knew it was very healthy for her, but the majority of the time she had an insatiable thirst. the girl’s mother has said that this issue has been present her entire life, and when she was merely a babe, drank liquids all the livelong day (side note: thanks for changing so many diapers, mom!).
now, drinking water isn’t the issue, because it’s delicious and just so necessary – this girl’s most satisfying morning moment is always downing a cold waterbottle upon her arrival at work – but it’s the effect of the water that is monstrously annoying. now, it wouldn’t be an issue to said girl if it were three or four times a day, but she seemingly had to go to the bathroom at least once an hour. “had to go to the bathroom” qualified as hohmygawdRUNNNNNN, and you know what? when phones are ringing and blackberries are buzzing and things are printing, she found it very inconvenient and uncomfortable to be rushing to the bathroom every 40 minutes.
moral of the story? THERE IS NO MORAL, because the girl will not stop drinking water, the girl will not stop being ridiculous, and nature will not stop being nature.
hi, my name is samantha, and i hate getting up to go to the bathroom. who is with me?
2) so my house has been in a bit of an upheaval these days. this past sunday, roommate #2 moved out and a friend from high school moved in (a girl!). now that we’ve got some more estrogen up in hurr, we are looking to “niceify” our house, you know, put a girly spin on things. i love living with boys, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes i just want a candle! or a vase!
so, being the sleuth that new roommate is, she located a wonderful loveseat on craigslist for $20. $20! it’s white and wonderful, and it’s going to look great in our sunny little window nook in the living room (i will show you all pictures of my house once it’s all set up, which could be a few weeks).
the only hitch in this awesome plan for a twenty dollar couch is that we had to pick it up … my friend was kind enough to lend me her huge jeep, and we cautiously made our way in DC RUSH HOUR (it took me 40 minutes to go 1 mile), to the house of our couch owners. keep in mind that i do not have a car in dc, and i haven’t driven a car since january. i have also never driven in a city (driving in nyc scares the pants off of me), and i was driving my friends car. it is safe to say that i was a little nervous. we arrived at our destination in one piece, car unscratched, and after some maneuvering, we were able to fit the couch in the trunk.
the catch? my seat had to be pushed up as far as it went. now, i am a tallish girl (5′ 6.5″ to be exact), and my chin was basically resting on the steering wheel and my knee was wedged between the steering column and the side of the radio thing, so i could only pivot my foot to touch the brake and the gas. combine this with no rear view at ALL, and i was … nervioso. we were driving in a neighborhood we didn’t know that well and were trying to avoid traffic circles (we had almost died in one on our way over), so we took a few right turns, breathed a sigh of relief, and knew where we were.
or so we thought.
we turned right onto a numbered street only to find ourselves ON A HIGHWAY. i can’t see, my knee is stuck, and we were heading into virginia. as in, a different state. as in, away from dc. as in, going 60 miles an hour. there were no exits fifteen minutes (inappropriate) and it was starting to get dark. i wasn’t freaking out homegirl, and was actually laughing quite a bit, but we were low on gas, couldn’t see and didn’t know where the HELL we were. i’m a public transit girl! we finally get off on an exit, breathe a few sighs of relief, and head back on the highway IN THE SAME DIRECTION WE WERE GOING. we have problems.
we did some laughing, some cursing, some eye rolling and finally found a different exit. the CIA! so, we turned around in the CIA. and made our way back into dc, driving downtown. the ironic part? i was so happy to know where i was that i was so much more comfortable driving in crazy traffic with bikers/pedestrians than on the highway where there were no turns to worry about.
long story short? girl roommate and i took an accidental field trip to the CIA, which saved our lives. so, thanks CIA! (ps, it’s like 15 miles away from dc. how did we get that far away, you ask? I DON’T KNOW).
told you i was ridiculous.