honesty.

After a most beautiful weekend, I woke up this morning to a drab sky. It was a rainy day, but at least it wasn’t cold! I think I can now retire my winter coat for good, as well as get all the buttons sewed back on. I’m a rough buttoner, what can I say?

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about honesty, and about how not being honest with myself is really detrimental. Lately, well I guess lately qualifies as all of 2010, I’ve been going through a rough patch, the likes of which I haven’t been through since high school. I know we all go through our ups and downs, but this particular down is as deep as a rabbit hole and has lasted far too long. I’m doing things to fight it, and I am nowhere near giving up, but I think honesty, with myself and with you, has been a major roadblock.

Example #1: a skirt that was loose on me in October is now tight, and is something I will not wear because it no longer looks good. I need to own the fact that I’ve gained weight, and live my life in a way that allows me to treat myself well. This is a constant journey for me, and one that I’m taking very seriously right now.

Example #2: i have a ten mile race on April 11, as most of you know. because i’ve been feeling so down, getting to the gym/motivating myself to get off the couch has been very difficult for me. that being said, i did run 7 miles on sunday  – even though it took a very, very long time (there is a time limit on the race!) there are a lot of people who believe in me who are coming to cheer me on, and not only do i not want to let myself down, i really, really don’t want to let them down. i have made a promise to myself that i will work out 6 days a week. today? check.

Example #3: i know many of look to food for comfort, something nice and warm on a cold night, or a bowl of ice cream after a rough day. me, though? i’ve been taking this to the extreme. i know i’ve hinted at it, but if i have a “bad day,” and let’s face it, a lot of my days have been shrouded in darkness because of the way i’ve been feeling, i’ll eat half a box of pasta and then a pint of ice cream. this makes me feel mentally defeated and physically ill, and is, i believe, the main reason my weight is an issue.

enough of this hoo ha! let’s just say that starting today, i’m going to make my best effort to be honest with myself.

so breakfast was the usual – my camera ate the picture – 1/3 c. oats, 1/2 c. yogurt, golden raisins, scoop chunky pb and coffee with soy. eaten while catching up on weekend work emails and weekend gossip! i’m pretty sure i forget computers exist on saturdays and sundays.

lunch, which my camera ate too (i guess it was extra hungry today?) was delicious. because so many of my lunches were catered last week, i still have a lot of homeade black bean burgers left. i created a “hash” of sorts out of a black bean burger, some goat cheese and some roasted carrots, broccoli and zucchini, enjoyed alongside half of a grapefruit. snackpants was an apple and some green tea.

whilst dodging lightning bolts and raindrops, i hopped to the gym where i ran a speedy two miles (hello, 18:30!) and then did some strength training using a self magazine workout from last month (i can’t find it online, sorry!). i was expecting this to be easy and boring, wrong. the moves were dynamic and focused on training muscles in groups, so it was hard. will definitely be doing this again! i’ll see if i can scan these up tomorrow.

this sweaty girl got home and was starving. after a quick shower, i made this: 

breakfast, what's for dinner.

1 egg and 2 egg whites stuffed with a babybel, spinach and broccoli enjoyed alongside hashbrowns made with sweet potato and onion (roasted at 370 for about half an hour in 1 tsp. evoo, salt and chili flake). oh, and ketchup, lest i forget. finally, i munched on some naturally dried mango while enjoying the real housewives of nyc. does anyone else think jill zarin wears far too much eye makeup?

the real housewives of nyc and new jersey are my favorite guilty pleasure. i can’t get into orange county and have never seen atlanta. do any of you watch these crazy women? which are your favorite?

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