Peter Paul Rubens was a prolific Flemish baroque painter who was known for his fondness of full figured women. Case in point:

These women are beautiful, and sexy. Look at their grace! Their faces! Their boobs! Now, I am not in denial – I am a full figured woman. The difference between them and me, though, is that I feel ugly and unwieldy. Constantly. I’m on a journey to shed some of my full figured-ness, which will most definitely happen with my training plan, but I’m also on another, more difficult journey to feel beautiful, graceful, even sexy, despite my self-consciousness and my atrocious habit of ruining all my progress (hello last night when I got home and ate a SLEEVE of wheat saltines. And some cheetos? They’re gross. Like, WTF).

I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me – I know how to eat healthy, I know how to work out, and I’m an athlete. And I feel like a million buckeroos when I take care of myself! But I get into these patterns (read – this past week) where I actively make the decision to treat my body like a big pile o’ poop.

It’s so hard for me to remember how good it feels to take care of myself.
Sorry for the pity party, I just needed to free that thought. I know most people have felt this way, and I just want to SHAKE THINGS UP! to return to my healthy ways again. It really does affect all aspects of my life, my mind especially.

Does anyone else struggle with this as much as I do? I know I can’t be alone on this one.

I’ll return to my cheer tomorrow, I promise! This won’t be a Debbie Downer bloggie.

– frustrated face out.


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